mateo luz carrillo fredrickson

he is here. por fin. safe and sound.
"teo" arrived early at 1:40am on Wednesday December 12, 2007.
weighing 8 lbs. 6 oz. and measuring 21 inches long

39 weeks! and waiting...

well, we are officially in the green zone meaning this baby can come any time. really! any time would be great- we're ready! last night i thought it was going to happen- it seems like the middle of the night is when we like to work on things. so from midnight to 4am i counted contractions while listening to p. talk in her sleep and d. breath heavy. finally around 4pm i was able to catch a few winks myself and when 7:30am rolled around i felt like i had been run over by a truck. i am hoping i don't have several nights of this as it will definitely cut in to my sleep but if we are making some progress which will mean a smoother labor, well, then maybe it is worth it.

in the meantime, miss p. makes me smile every day and while i once was feeling a nervous about having enough love for two children, i now feel like my heart might just explode open when i meet this little boy. if he is half a delight as miss p. is, we are in for the time of our lives!

we'll keep you posted with our progress- and please, send all your good birthing thoughts our way!

snow!

yesterday morning while out on my walk it began to snow. it was very faint but very sweet. it has been a long time since i have lived somewhere where it snows. when i arrived home miss p. was anxiously trying to get her shoes on so that she could run around outside- she thought it was the greatest! she ran around screaming "snow- i love it" while d. planted the birch trees in the front of the house. it was a sweet sight for sure.

well, needless to say, the snow did not stick and quickly turned to rain. today it is raining pretty hard- we will spend a cozy day indoors finishing up a few chores we are hoping to have done before little marshmallow arrives. tonight is our last birthing from within class and i feel ready for this little one to come anytime now. this week would be great.

rest in peace sweet debra

a dear friend just shared this with me. i am moved beyond words. even though i had only known her a few short years, her impact on my life was big. she was full of life, full of love, full of talent, full of style, full of compassion. i will miss her deeply. this world will miss her deeply. may her lovely soul rest in peace.

sweet ashland thanksgiving

we returned home yesterday from a lovely little ashland getaway. it was perfect. good company. good food. good rest. good all around. miss p. had a great time reading with babu, working in noni's shop, playing asian figures, playing with alma, baking, swimming with babu, watching too much t.v., and just hanging out. thank you noni and babu for such a wonderful time- i know we are turning in to quite a hurricane as we continue to grow in size- we so appreciate all that you do for us and just love spending time with you both.

a perfect thanksgiving- and i had all around me all that i am thankful for- my sweet growing family.

flashback

miss p. and i were looking through some old pictures last night and i can hardly believe it will be a few short weeks before we get another one of these! how exciting is that! all of these uncomfortable nights will soon fade away (though we will trade them for another variety of uncomfortable nights) and in my arms i will have one sweet little boy. needless to say, we are on pins and needles awaiting his arrival.

dusk lantern walk

last night p. and i gathered with the other families from school for a lantern walk in the nearby park where the children of pvs play on a daily basis. the pathways were beautifully lined with luminaries and each child held in their hand a lantern that they had made with their class. each classroom's basic lantern style was slightly different and together, all lit up, they created a magical scene. after sipping a bit of hot cider and munching a few ginger snaps it was time to parade calmly through the park with nothing but the sound of the children's singing voices drifting through the air.

the lantern walk is a tradition embraced in waldorf education. a time to acknowledge the changing of the natural light as we pass from one season to another. i know some think waldorf education is a real bust- but i for one, think it is stunning and love that my daughter is learning to appreciate ritual in her life. we could all stand for a little ritual in our lives couldn't we?

43 lbs. of pure sugar

this morning was a bit rough due to a rough night. d. is down in s.f. and thus miss p. is sleeping with me in the big bed. for some reason blue (the cat) was a bit out of his mind last night. we have not found a great solution to let him go in and out of the house at his own free will so we are doing a lot of putting the cat out/letting the cat in at all hours of the day- and nighttime is no exception. apparently i did not hear his plea to be let out at 5am this morning, so he took more drastic measures. he jumped onto the bedside table and proceeded to knock over an entire glass of water. i leaped from bed (the best i could in my current state- not a lot of leaping going on these days), turned on the light to find water everywhere- seeping in to my books, dripping off the edges of the table to my computer lying underneath....GOD *$#&%(& BLUE!!!! of course, this also woke the sleeping chica in my bed. i sopped up the water, scolded the cat, emptied my bladder and returned to bed for hopefully another couple of hours of sleep. unfortunately miss p. was now wide awake, chatty, and needed a snack. she went to the kitchen and brought back a couple of mandarins for me to peel for her. i did so and she chatted for about an hour. i drifted in and out of sleep while she chatted. i think she finally fell back to sleep around 7am so when 8am rolled around and she was still sleeping soundly, i had a fleeting thought to keep her home to rest. i ended up waking her, feeding her a very un-nutritious cereal breakfast, throwing some clothes on her and racing her to school. as it turns out, many other mama's were moaning over their challenging nights/mornings as well-- is there something in the air today?

regardless, while she was sleeping i was able to snap this photo. pure sugar i say!

"being a kid is best"

this is what miss p. tells me. she also tells me that she never wants to grow up- she wants to be a kid forever and to live with us for the rest of her days. how glorious to be the receiver of such a gift of love. surely these remarks mean that she loves us infinitely.

d. and i were chatting late the other night after finishing the movie "united 93". not necessarily a movie i would recommend to the faint at heart but one that certainly opens your eyes to the wild emotions and experience of those on flight 93 on that dreadful day of 9/11. at any rate, it prompted us to discuss how we both currently feel a bit detached from the world at large since neither of us is really listening to any news since there are generally little ears around. i used to be an avid npr listener while in the car, but now that i hardly ever drive anywhere without chiquita in the car with me, i choose to keep it to music or nothing at all. i want to protect her innocent, happy consciousness--not bog it down with the issues of today's world. in her mind, everything is just right and as it should be. her ignorance IS bliss and i want it to be that way for her. not because i do not want her to evolve in to a person who takes interest in the world and appreciates it for all the good and bad combined, but because i am not sure when it is appropriate to penetrate her ideal world and let the real world in. sometimes i too want to live in that ideal world. i'm not ready for her to grow up- i too want her to live with us for the rest of her days.

strength

what a lucky mama i am to have such an amazing group of woman to call my friends. blessed for sure. finally, the culmination of my blessingway from a few weeks ago. a collection of beautiful beads that hold within them the sweet wishes from my dear friends. it will be a glorious focal point during labour. for now, it hangs sweetly beside my bed, looking over me and the little one as he continues to ripen for his december arrival.

thank you again to all of you who were able to attend. i loved seeing you all.
and to those of you who were not able, i felt you there in spirit.
i love you all dearly and am truly inspired by each of you.
my heart.