sunday morning gospel

well sort of.
this morning i headed out on my beloved walk. it was the perfect morning for a walk. the temp in the high 60's, light puffy clouds in the sky beautifully framed by that ubiquitous blue sky, few cars on the road makes space to hear the birds and the wind in the trees, and breakfast smells looming about houses. i cherish this time to myself. a good time to think. to make sense of what is going on in my life- or at least think i am making sense of it. and i anticipate coming to my favorite house with the inspiring garden and the poem. today's poem was moving to say the least. it was sort of like a sunday morning gospel and left me feeling optimistic and hopeful. i continued on my walk thinking about the absolute truth in these words.

Patriotism
by Ellie Schoenfeld
My country is this dirt
that gathers under my fingernails
when I am in the garden.
The quiet bacteria and fungi,
all the little insects and bugs
are my compatriots. They are
idealistic, always working together
for the common good.
I kneel on the earth
and pledge my allegiance
to all the dirt of the world,
to all of that soil which grows
flowers and food
for the just and unjust alike.
The soil does not care
what we think about or who we love.
It knows our true substance,
of what we are really made.
I stand my ground on this ground,
this ground which will
ultimately
recruit us all
to its side.

amen to that i say.
and then, just as quickly as i had been moved i found myself being unmoved (is that a word?) and it happened like this.
i rounded the corner to find a woman sitting on her front stoop looking extremely befuddled. she called out to me "do you walk at night?".
confused i reply, "no, i generally walk in the morning, why do you ask?"
"my car was stolen last night, what is wrong with people, i mean the neighbor told me that they had their car stolen last week but did they tell anyone? no! i mean, why wouldn't you share that with your neighbors??? i hate thieves!" throwing up her arms she exclaims "I am a conservative, we need stricter laws. thieves should have their hands cut off and rapists should be casterated. i work hard for the things i have in my life!!!"
wow, i had no idea what to say and what is more, i felt totally blindsighted by this woman's rage. "wow, i am really sorry to hear about your car. i think things like this have been happening a lot, people are desperate and struggling, we had a series of break-ins on our street the other night".
she goes off again "everyone is struggling and there are social services for those people!! i came out to start my day 2 hours ago and now i am stuck looking for my car and waiting for the police".
i respond with "it is true, many are struggling right now, and stealing is not excusable but there are many people who do not neccessarily have all their faculties about them and they make poor decisons but i do not think they are inherintly bad people- just people in hard situations".
she comes back with "that's true, but people who choose to do drugs made that choice for themselves the first time they took the drugs".
hmm, not exactly what i was talking about per se....i realized in that moment that it was not my duty to try to change this woman's perspective and i also recognized that i learned something from this encounter which is that my sense of compassion for people and where they are has grown. no i do not condone stealing in a moment of desperation but i do feel a bit more empathy than i used to and maybe my encounter with this woman was a gift for me to recognize that this compassion for humans is growing inside of me and i am not sure if i would have felt this compassion a couple of years ago.
"well" i say, "i really hope your car turns up and that your day gets better" and i walked off, only to spend the rest of my walk with my mind racing back and forth between the polarized beauty and despair that exist in our world and had shown their faces to me in the short 45 minutes of my morning walk.

little lessons everywhere you look.

saying goodbye...

today it came time to say goodbye to boots. the day is grey and a bit melancholy and after weeks of complaining about this damn rooster, i find myself filled with sadness while i watch my daughter hold, and love, and say goodbye to boots. maybe this wouldn't feel quite so dramatic if we hadn't just had to say goodbye to fern a few weeks ago as well. boots however, has been her chicken from the beginning- she has had a special love for boots all along and i know her heart is breaking at having to say goodbye. and my heart breaks right along with hers. i wonder, is this what her first crush is going to feel like? as a mother, do you feel the pangs and tears for all the crushes your children will have in their lifetime? i want to rescue her from the sadness that she feels though i am trying be strong and commend her for her bravery and strength, knowing that with each one of these life lessons she is learning something more about herself, her own emotions, and the ways of the world and that is powerful and will serve her well. we will miss boots and the sweet way she trots around with him tucked under her arm-- such a natural animal lover that little girl of mine.

positive feedback

a couple of weeks ago i was at the PSU farmer's market. my favorite one to go to for overwhelming variety of produce and broad spectrum of characters to enjoy watching. as i was foraging about i was stopped by an adorable pair of women who were working on a portland street style blog. "we love what you are wearing, may we take your picture and talk to you about your outfit?" they asked. what? me? frumpy old, frazzled beyond words, worried i may never again get my groove back, ole' me? you've got to be kidding. i was blown away, honored, and totally flattered. and the rest of the day i think i had a bit more spring in my step than i have had in a long long time. sweet blogger women, thank you for the generous compliment.

chosen sisters, gasquet california, 2009

this past weekend was my 7th annual trip with my chosen sisters. mama c. and mama m. describe it better than i possibly could. next year might be a bit more relaxing but every year is worth the journey. how i love these women and how grateful i am to call them my dearest friends on the planet.