truly. madly.deeply.

when you are a mama you know that moment. that moment when you really awaken to how in love you are with that little being you created- so much that it nearly hurts. this week that moment happened for me. it struck me like a pile of bricks- hard. there was a brief moment where i felt a bit of guilt that my babe is already 9.5 months and the moment is just happening now- but we got off to a rough start. and while it wasn't that i did not love him before and see glimpses of this moment, it is just that the moment had not yet struck just how truly madly and deeply i love this little boy and how now my heart, as a mama, is so utterly exposed by having two babies out in the world.

to love on such a visceral level is to really know love. i'm pretty sure i know it now. and i'll count my blessings for all the joy and pain the loving of these babies brings.

jack-o-lantern smile

miss p. changes with each and every day, still! it is amazing and as i watch her blossom into this young girl i love her more and more (if it is possible).

the other night she lost 2 teeth, for a total of 8 teeth! her teeth are huge and her smile awkward but she is beautiful nonetheless. as her teeth fall out, mateo's continue to come in. he is working on cutting his seventh tooth and has an ear infection and a snotty nose to prove it.

sweet boy mateo luz

today seems an appropriate day to write you a letter. you have now been on the outside as long as you were on the inside. and my, what accomplishments you have made in that time. you smile, you laugh, you crawl, you pull yourself up on furniture (i expect you will be cruising soon), you eat food- and lots of it, you say mama, you love the bath, you love blue, you LOVE your sister, you squirm in bed, you eat everything you find on the floor, you are a flirt, and you hate cutting teeth.

we are amazed by how quickly all of this happens. while the summer has felt a little long with me not feeling my best, it really has been such a short time since you joined our family. you should know how much you are loved and adored and how much joy you bring to our family. in so many ways it feels like you complete us. like you were a missing link.

you are my sweet sweet boy and i am grateful to you for having chosen me as your mama. i promise to be the best mama i can be, and sometimes that may not be so great but i am human and i have faults and i am sure you will soon know them all too well. in spite of these faults, i promise to be there for you, to love you, to respect you, to care for you, to listen to you, to help you when you need help and above all to let you be you.

te amo mateo.
mi corazon,
mama

friends from the womb

we were graced by a visit from dear friends this past weekend.
pilar and solaar have been friends from inside the womb.
karena and i met in our home birthing class. she succeeded with hers- mine was quite the opposite but both girls are as lovely as can be. thanks so much for sharing some sweet time with us in the new place we call home.

feliz cumpleanos noni

for some this is a day of deep grieving.
for me and many i know, it is a day of celebration.
it is the day my mama came into this world.
i love you mama and i am so blessed you are mine.

lowering the bar

i find that one of my biggest challenges in life is setting the bar too high.
the trouble with this is that if it can't be perfect, i don't do it. like my blog for instance, i have been thinking about what would be the perfect post since my last post to eloquently reintegrate in to blogland. the perfect words have not come to mind. so, i have decided to take a swing at practicing lowering the bar and simply posting because "good enough" is sometimes good enough. so here it is. a simple post and some sweet pics of the most precious souls in my life.

small awakenings...

i'm not sure how i became so naive- or better yet, i am not sure how i remained so naive for so many of my years on this planet. the past 4 months have taken me to places i knew not existed inside of me. and while they are places i hope to never have to visit again, what i do know from having visited them, is a whole new level of compassion for myself, my family, for my friends, for perfect strangers. the realness of "you never really know what anyone is going through at any given time" in emblazoned in my heart. i hope it stays because i do believe it is allowing me to meet life with much more empathy and a more open heart. life is hard- it is that simple. and life is also beautiful and it too is that simple. 

as i find my way out of this darkness, i feel the great fortune of having two beautiful and healthy children, a supportive husband, a family that loves us all unconditionally, and a magnitude of friends near and far. and this, all of this, is more than i EVER could have hoped for. it surmounts any material possession, professional acclaim, or travel experience i could ever have. family & friends, now that is the good stuff. that is the real stuff. and in the end all you will ever take with you. so i am working on cultivating beautiful memories with the ones i love because as far as i can see all the rest pales in comparison.

and now, i will resume my blog on a much more frequent basis- this unexpected haitis lasted a bit too long.